6 Change to Regain Her Interest

Suddenly there is a change in the relationship; She stops texting back as quickly.

She gives vague answers when you try to make plans, and nothing sticks.

You’re starting to wonder if there’s another guy in the picture…

You don’t know what changed or what you did wrong.

People always say, “Just be yourself, and the right person will come along.” While that’s true, it’s important to remember that all goals require work and sacrifice. You’ll have to learn new skills to be a race car driver. Nobody would say, “You shouldn’t have to change anything to be a race car driver,” because that would be unrealistic. Similarly, you’ll probably need to learn new skills to be more attractive to women.

How you’ve been going about things hasn’t produced the desired results. So, make a change and regain her interest.

Be a Leader

It’s the twenty-first century, and we have seen a change in women becoming more empowered. Society is pushing women to take on more significant leadership roles and career responsibilities. Still, no woman wants to be the leader in a relationship.

She may say that she wants to be in charge. She may think that she wants to be in control. But trust me; she doesn’t. That’s your job.

What being the leader is not:

  • Aggressive
  • Manipulative
  • Douchey

What being the leader is:

  • Accepts responsibility
  • Takes Charge
  • Makes Decisions

Here are some things that the leader in the relationship does:

  • Makes plans for dates: Girls love guys who take responsibility for planning dates. Too many guys these days text the day of and say, “Sooooo, what do you want to do tonight?”. Wrong. Instead, work the conversation ahead to find out what games, food, and activities she likes. Then use your friends, family, and brain to brainstorm some things to do. Text her the morning of your date and say, “We’re going to grab some sandwiches and tour the city tonight. I’ll pick you up at 7.”
  • Initiates touch: It can be nerve-wracking to carry the pressure of breaking the touch barrier. But she needs you to man up and hold her hand. Just do it.
  • Solves Problems: One night, my then-boyfriend and I went to a nearby hot spring for a date. There were a few other groups of people there, as usual. One guy from another group was being particularly obnoxious and kept harassing us. My boyfriend politely and succinctly answered his probing questions and handled the situation in a way that the guy realized that bothering us was no fun. I was very attracted to how my guy stepped up and took care of a situation that could have been much worse. As the leader, that’s your job.

Be Independent

If your self-esteem comes from her, change it. She’ll know- and she won’t like it. Why would she think you’re the best if you don’t even think you’re the best? The most attractive quality in a man is confidence. Think about it, that guy from your high school with the motorcycle and lousy attitude- girls loved him. And, the lovable student body president with a varsity jacket- girls loved him too. Those two guys were different in every way except for one thing: confidence.

Rely on Emotions, Not Logic

This is a hard pill for most guys to swallow. Girls operate based on emotions first and logic second.

What does this mean for you?

It doesn’t matter what you do, but how she feels.

It’s no secret that women everywhere complain about their significant other trying to fix the problem when they want someone to listen. Indeed, as a guy, this doesn’t make sense to you. If you fix the problem, she won’t have anything to be upset about anymore. But that’s not how women work.

Often, the rational thing to do will directly conflict with what makes her feel validated. For example, you plan a date to see the play at the local theatre. On the drive over, she looks out the window and sees her old Elementary School and the playground next to it. “Oh, I loved that swing set as a kid,” she says. Now, rationally, the play starts in ten minutes, and you should probably keep driving. Or, you could make this a tipping point in your relationship as you pull the car over and say, “Well, then, show me how it’s done.”

Associate with Other Girls

There are two categories of girls that you should have in your life: friends and flirtationships.


Why is it important to have female friends?

Girls use other girls as a sort of vetting process. When we see a man who only hangs out alone or with other men, we have to spend a lot of time figuring out whether or not he’s a creep- or socially awkward. On the other hand, when we see that women like him, we can trust that he’s likable.

Having female friends shows others that you can successfully interact with women.

I’ve heard many men say they don’t want female friends because why put all that time and energy into a woman they can’t hook up with? But they’re seeing it all wrong. Making female friends is a stepping stone to attracting women. Your female friends act as a catalyst for your relationships.

All this being said, your female friends shouldn’t be your only friends. Just like it’s not attractive to have only male friends, it’s also not attractive to have only female friends.


You need to practice flirting.

Yes, the ultimate goal is to land the particular girl that you like, and flirting with other women, believe it or not, will help you get there.

Just like any other skill, practice makes perfect. As a child, you probably spent hours practicing soccer so that you could succeed in the big game. When you practice flirting, you’ll have the confidence to perform when it’s crucial.

If she notices you flirting with other women, even better. Being desired by other women shows her that you’re desirable. Why date someone no one wants when you can date someone everyone wants?

However, be careful not to go overboard with this. You don’t want to seem so interested in other women that it drives her away. When she pulls you in, let yourself be pulled.

Never Tell Her About Your Dating Failures

Just like how she can determine your attractiveness based on the women you interact with, she can determine your attractiveness based on your track record with dating.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to tell her stories about where you were friend-zoned. It indicates to her that other women don’t find you desirable . . . so why should she?

Live Your Own Life

Pick up a hobby. Win a competition. Travel. Make some new friends. Work for that promotion.

Girls like guys who do things.

If your only priority is to please her, you’ll do the opposite. When you bought your car, what did you look for? You probably wanted information about its gas mileage, reliability, and unique features. You were collecting evidence to determine if that was the car you wanted. Similarly, she’s collecting evidence to determine if you are the guy she wants. She’s looking for a guy who can provide for her, so you need to give her reasons to believe that you can do that, and that starts with getting a life.

Who knows, maybe your new passions will preoccupy you so much that you’ll forget to obsess over her.


You might think the change will be “Easier said than done,” and that’s true. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take baby steps. Try one thing at a time and see what happens. For your date, tell her the plan instead of asking what she wants to do. Next time you go to a party, try coming out of your shell and making friends with a few girls. Instead of texting your crush for the seventh time in a row, do some extra work and get recognized by your boss. Don’t be surprised when, a month from now, you have noticeably more dating prospects. And that one girl you wanted so badly? Now she’s texting you for the seventh time in a row.

If you feel it’s time to make a change, check out our article on how to know if she wants to kiss.

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