How to Tell if a Guy is Into You or is Just Bored

I have found myself in many flirtationships in my lifetime. When you’ve been out with a guy, and you seem to have a great connection, it can be frustrating to not know where you stand. You may be getting different signals and want to know how he feels.

The short and hard-to-swallow answer is this: if you have to wonder if he likes you, he doesn’t. Guys are simple in that they won’t take any chances with a girl they can see a future with. If he likes you, he won’t give you any reason to question it.

This blanket philosophy has never led me wrong. However, if you still don’t believe me, there are plenty more ways to tell if he likes you.

Notice His Demeanor Around His Friends

I was seeing this guy; we’ll call him Andrew. We met on a dating app and hit it off on our first few dates. I couldn’t get enough of him. It got to the point where I was over at his house every day. A few weeks into this, one of his friends showed up unannounced while I was over. While Andrew and his friend were talking in the kitchen, I attempted to join the conversation by holding Andrew’s hand – the same as I had done 100 times before. This time, however, he became very rigid and visibly uncomfortable. When his friend left, Andrew went right back to normal. A few weeks later, I discovered another girl in Andrew’s life. She was out of the country, but the two of them had communicated that they would date when she came back. The friend that had visited us also knew the other girl. Andrew was scared that word of my existence would get back to her, so he was trying to hide our relationship.

I thought that Andrew and I were days away from getting serious. But he was counting down the days for another girl to get back in town. He didn’t like me- he was bored and needed a way to pass the time before the one he liked became available to him again. Although you will likely not experience this exact situation yourself, the principle still stands: how a guy treats you when he’s around his friends says a lot about how much he likes you. You shouldn’t expect him to ignore his friends or distribute embarrassing amounts of PDA. However, it should be a huge red flag if, around his friends, he acts like there is no romantic involvement between you two. On the flip side, if he is excited to introduce you to his friends and adores you even while they are around, there is no doubt of his affection for you.

Notice When Things Don’t Add Up

Any person that I’m close with can tell you that I am not a great texter. I am a busy girl who likes to live in the moment. Guys I date often get upset when they notice I’m on Instagram yet not responding to their messages. After a long day of work, I need to mentally recover with some mindless scrolling. While many people nowadays see response speeds as indicators of infatuation, that is not always accurate. Still, some things can be deduced from text messages.

At one point, I was regularly going out with a guy named… Arnold. We had a date one morning, and he mentioned he had plans with his sister, followed by some errands. After our date, we texted sporadically throughout the day until there was radio silence from 7 p.m. to 1 a.m. I don’t know of many “errands” that are run that late in the evening. But I do know of one other thing that often happens between 7 p.m. and 1 a.m. The next day, I asked him about his “errands,” and he quickly changed the subject. In the weeks following, his responses got slower and slower. I saw him less often until, one day, I saw an Instagram post of him and his new girlfriend.

In the early stages of getting to know each other, you shouldn’t expect him to stop dating other people. However, you should learn to recognize the signs of being the “second favorite girlfriend.” Being the second favorite girlfriend means he only uses you to cure his boredom when his favorite girlfriend isn’t around. Nobody wants to be the second favorite girlfriend, and you deserve better.

Notice When He Avoids the DTR Conversation

Dating is complex, and there are many reasons why he might want to avoid a committed relationship for a time. A guy who likes you will, at the very least, be okay with communicating his feelings. If a DTR conversation doesn’t naturally come up for a while, that’s perfectly normal. There should be a period when you are happy to get to know each other. Still, you should notice if he avoids the conversation after several weeks. If you ask, “where do you see this going?” and he changes the subject or comes up with a vague answer, it is your cue to drop him. A guy who likes you will want you to know that he sees the relationship going somewhere. A guy using you will put off the DTR conversation to keep you from knowing the truth.

Notice Intimacy

A blanket philosophy that never fails is if a guy kisses you on the cheek or forehead, he cares about you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. I don’t have an explanation for this, but trust me.

You should also take note of the way he looks at you. If he looks at you like you are special to him, then you are. It’s that simple. This one can be a little harder to detect, so if you need help figuring it out, don’t hesitate to ask a friend to observe.

Notice How and When He Wants to See You

There is no better indicator that a guy is into you than that he wants to see you constantly. If he wants you to go out with him every day, he enjoys time with you, which means he enjoys and values you as a partner. Don’t be misled by this, though.

It is not the same if he wants to see you every day at 10 p.m. In his bedroom with the door closed. If he is just as determined to see you for your lunch break, game night at your friend’s house, and bowling night with your parents, he’s a keeper.
If you find yourself begging for his time and attention, stop.

Everybody needs their space; if you are being reasonable in your expectations to see him and he is always blowing you off, he does not value you.

The Final Blanket Philosophy

If there is one thing I have learned about guys, they either like you almost instantly or not. Don’t get me wrong, relationships and feelings are always subject to change. But often, if a guy isn’t crazy about you within the first few dates, he never will be. Girls are more likely to grow to love anyone who sticks around long enough; guys won’t change their minds about a girl unless something drastic happens. They can quickly tell when they’ve found someone special, and they will fight for her. That’s why a girl who is cared for will never have to wonder. Don’t settle for the guy who gives sporadic attention, diminishes your relationship with other people, and leaves you confused about where you stand. He is bored, and he is using you. Trust me, when a guy who cares about you comes into your life, you’ll know.

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